Oberlin Heisman Club: Week 1

September 16th, 2026

Oberlin Heisman Club Week 1 Opponent: Losers Bracket Phenom (Jerry) Result: W 115.06 vs 113.2 Record: 1-0-0

Stopping just short of hypertension, my cardiac rhythm this fantasy football week fluctuated viciously. Up until 7:15AM on Tuesday morning, September 15th, my team was in a constant state of peril, fending off Jerry’s death throes until the end, but more on that later. Let’s start with the good.

Lamar.

My muse, my flame. I drafted him maybe a bit early, for my 4th pick, but I learned my lesson from last year; that it’s better to draft players you love, instead of the ones shoved up the top of the list by the algorithm. I might pay for this, but I reaped my rewards this week. Lamar Jackson remains to me the most dynamically physical athlete I’ve ever seen, those rare players that make state lines dissolve into meaninglessness as you cheer for their team.

Which is why when Lamar feinted the Colts defense on his first redzone of the season, sending everyone starboard towards a football-less Derrick Henry, and waltzing into the corner of the end zone, I experienced a fentanylic head rush, like kissing God.

I found dissimilar success with my RB1, RB2, WR1, and WR2, who comprise the fleshy center of my fragile team, and who all seem to have forgotten that a) playing good football is how they keep a roof over their heads at night and b) it’s better to avoid defenders and gain yards rather than running straight into them.

De’Von Achane, the poor devil, is supported by what is perhaps the most horrifically rostered team in the NFL, my beloved Dolphins. They played the anemic Raiders and got their asses handed to them; new QB Malik Willis eschewed Achane for his own pyrotechnics, which not only cost me many fantasy points, but accomplished little in the way of winning in the end.

Jadarian Price, groomed by EPSN analysts as the next Ashton Jeanty, showed explosive legs but made little in the way of earning points, scoring touchdowns, or being of any value at all.

Tetairoa MacMillan and Terry McLaurin (McMillaurin?), despite training for most of their life, did not present clear evidence that they understand what good football requires (catching the ball, running upfield). Grandpa Terry seems to have finally succumbed to his octogenarian status; I’m sure his great-grandchildren were happy to see their Pop Pops out there playing, but as his fantasy manager, I wasn’t amused by his 3.4 point performance.

So, so, so far only Lamar has shown what it means to be a professional athlete out of my team. Until we get to the beautiful, majestic, Parker Washington. Look at him receiving zipped balls from Trevor Lawrence, colliding ferociously with the admittedly anemic Cleveland Brown defense. See him track the diagonal 38 yard ball striping through the air, twist his torso to snatch the ball and direct his momentum into a touchdown. See him rise out of the waiver conversation, straight into 19.3 points, splashed in turquoise and glory.

Then we have Trey-Trey. The Chargers got McBrided. 22.4 points, mauled by his leg-sized arms, the single man keeping the Arizona Cardinals helmet a blink out of the waters of amnesia and ignorance.

Cam Little, the little fella, put in a good leg workout to nab 12 points, outscoring all of my core team members. I should send him a card.

So, at first, my team was launched onto a trajectory of a projected 138 points, propped up on the sharp collarbones of Lamar and Washington and the meaty forearms of McBride. But as my center could not hold, the projected slowly ticked away, and Jerry managed to extract over 54 points from his RB1&2 (Gibbs and Hall), so I was 1.4 points in the deficit with one player left to play. The Denver Broncos.

Monday night, after an exhausting day of teaching. D/STs automatically receive 10 points in fantasy, and get whittled down by allowing points, and can prod their points higher with interceptions, sacks and fumbles. Not that the Broncos knew this, of course. Heading into Monday night, I had a 99% projected win rate, because surely one of the premier defenses of the league, backboned by the rapid sentinel of Pat Surtain the 2nd. No dice. The Chiefs remembered on Monday night that they were a dynasty, back in the days of yore, and did to the Broncos defense what my 9th grade class did to my confidences as a teacher last year; complete scorched earth annihilation. My 123 points started clicking down, seemingly thirsty for a deathly embrace with Jerry’s fixed 113.2. However, a lifeline; an interception, sack, and a merciful slowdown of Chief offense got the Broncos to secure my two needed points (any more and you wouldn’t be hearing from me).

Now, onto the next week. Opponent Sam Mortenson, 2x champion of the league (we’ve had the league for 2 years), a veteran practitioner of mock drafts who unluckily fell to Liam Newman (Syndrome) last weekend. I’ll keep a similar lineup, crossing my fingers for Terry McLaurin and De’Von Achane to remember what they do for a living, but my record against Samuel is unenviable to say the least, and in a week you will most likely read an entry much shorter, much more mordant than this one.

Notes From The Field:

Piers: I won the first week matchup of fantasy since our league started. Big ups for me. Not going to be last or second to last.